Cupboard Fear

Thiruvalluvar glorifies rain as follows:

Kural 12

Thuppaarkkuth Thuppaaya Thuppaakkith Thuppaarkkuth
Thuppaaya Thooum Mazhai

(even a non Tamil speaker can distinguish the rhythm above. All couplets in the Thirukural are only 7 words long,  however each couplet is packed with depth of wisdom).

The meaning is as follows: Rain produces the food and the like for the world, it also serves as food (in the form of water), hence it benefits the world.

In the next couplet, Thiruvallur asks a question

Vinindru Poippin Virineer Viyanulakaththu
Ulnindru Utatrum Pasi?

What is the use of the four oceans circling the land? If the rain ceases to fall, the disease of hunger will stalk the world and torment all the living beings.

It had rained and the weather was perfect for a long walk with a friend and her son.  As the cool breeze was blowing, we treaded on an interesting topic about the friend’s 12 year old’s “cupboard fear”. When my friend wishes her son Goodnight before going to bed, her son would always request “to check if the cupboards were closed”. Though this appeared very innocuous, and we laughed off the cupboard fear, I wished to understand further. What was revealed was rather serious and is the topic of today’s blog with a special appeal to all parents out there.

After a few questions, the friend’s son said matter of factly , “This is because of Maggie, she would lock me in a closed cupboard and I’m still scared of cupboards”.
The reply was surprising, and I almost froze in my steps.

Who was Maggie? My friend recollected that she was the nanny of the day-school where her son spent his afternoons after coming back from school. Maggie picked the child from the school bus and according to my friend, was a good woman, kind and smiling.

 This made me solemn- several questions popping my mind at the same time, How long did he go to the playschool? For a year of so – between 4 and 5 years of age.  Why did she lock the child in the closet? Which cupboard? How many times? Why? And Why First of all is the child remembering about this even after 7 years? And second of all, Will he ever forget the incident? For how many years will this fear stay? Why didn’t the child tell the parents about his? Were there ways for the parent to find out about the ‘kind smiling woman’s action?

What started as a joking conversation had opened a huge can of questions.

Kural 61 states

Perumavatrul Yaamarivadhu Illai Arivarindha
Makkatperu Alla Pira

The greatest blessing of blessings to a person, in this world, is the blessing of a good progeny.

Valluvar  in Kural 67 

Thandhai Makarkaatrum Nandri Avaiyaththu
Mundhi Iruppach Cheyal

This means - The greatest responsibility of a parent is to ensure that the child is brought up in an environment that will make him a great scholar; a person who will be revered by wise men.

Vulnerability of children is oft debated topic – it refers to a child's capacity for self-protection. The human baby as compared to all other comparable species (such as the orangutan), is the most under developed at birth. It is estimated that it would take full 21 months for a human child to have the same neurological and cognitive development of a newborn chimpanzee. The newborns of four- legged animals such as cows and rabbits can move around within a few hours after birth, similar effort for a human baby can be achieved only after 10 to 12 months.

A Stanford univ report states that a newborn child sees the world in gray, black and white, and also can’t see anything that is more than 6 inches away. It seems babies see images upside down and only over time their brains turn the image right up. Documented evidence says children can’t estimate distance of objects from the eye properly. Of particular importance is its applicability such as when a child tries to cross the road –  a child (of even 5 or 6 years)  will perceive vehicles as being  is farther away than reality, because the eye sight is still developing.

The appeal hence is to be vigilant about children, they are equally vulnerable on the mental plane. Within this dynamic, children can be subject to intimidation, fear and emotional manipulation. Working parents find it inevitable to trust children’s safety with other people. Some factors that you may want to consider are age, physical and mental defenselessness of children when considering the environment.

As I and my friend try to track down Maggie at the day care centre (which is now closed) in vain, we hope no other child is subjected to dis-care by another Maggie in any part of the world. And that no other child will develop “cupboard fear”.

There are more insights on this topic, the intention here is to trigger a thought for the safety of children. Ending with a sweet Kural (66) dedicated to parenthood.

Kuzhal Inidhu Yaazhinidhu Enpadham Makkal
Mazhalaichchol Kelaa Thavar

"The pipe is sweet, the lute is sweet," say those who have not heard the music of their infant’s lisping lips.

Adieu